


Costa del Sol

by siriuslywritten



Series: The Marauders' Map [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bisexual Sirius Black, Buckle up babies, EspanYOLO amiright, Gay Remus Lupin, It's a shitstorm, Muggle AU, Multi, Social Media, Texting, The Marauders go to Spain, The key thing to remember is chaos WILL ensue, University AU, jily, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-03-09 15:44:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18920059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siriuslywritten/pseuds/siriuslywritten
Summary: A Marauders text fic (again), as the gang go on a grad trip after finishing university. Chaos, as ever, ensues.A wee follow up to Hepburn Avenue, because I miss writing text fics. Set in my Marauders Map series between Canterbury Lane and Caraway Street (time-wise).





	1. A Soft Crouton

**Author's Note:**

> Look, I have too many fics on the go, but I couldn’t resist. I’m sorry, I just miss writing text fics? 
> 
> This is gonna be updated when I can.*
> 
> *Lesbereal, it might be every day. Or every month. Who knows?

**marauders 4.0**

 

**moony**

Who the fuck is singing the Lion King?

It is four thirty AM

**prongs**

it’s the ciiiiiiiiiiiiircle of life

**padfoot**

AND IT MOVES US AAAAAAAAAALL

**prongs**

THROUGH DESPAIR AND HOOOOPE

**padfoot**

THROUGH FAITH AND LOOOOOOOOVE

**prongs**

til we find our PLAAAAAAACE

 

**padfoot**

on the path unWINDING

 

**moony**

It is now four thirty-three AM

 

**prongs**

don’t pretend like you’re not loving this mate

what an absolute belter of a tune

 

**padfoot**

anyway my moonbeam, you should be getting up

gotta leave for the airport soon

 

**moony**

Yeah, in an HOUR

I could still be sleeping you know

Like, right now

 

**prongs**

c’mon moonster

aren’t you excited

we’re going to sPAIN

 

**moony**

Considering I organised this holiday, I am aware

…

What was that crash? 

 

**prongs**

sirius is flamenco dancing

 

**moony**

FFS.

* * *

**Hoes of Hepburn Ave.**

 

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

thank baby jesus dorko made us leave a hundred and five hours early

we’re in traffic on the motorway

like 2 junctions from the airport

 

**Dorcas Meadowes**

Not to state the obvious

But instead of thanking baby Jesus

You could… just thank me? 

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

don’t be sassy dorks

 

**Sirius Black**

rem also made us leave silly early

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

… are you not driving rn 

 

**Sirius Black**

we’re in jem’s car cus mine won’t fit all the cases and us

he won’t let me drive it :(

think we’re probs in the same traffic as you tho

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

lils is driving us and having an abso meltdown

never seen lily joanne evans have road rage

but it’s fucking hilarious

*1 video attachment*

 

**Sirius Black**

HA

did evans just call that guy 

a soft crouton

for undertaking her in the queue

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

my video cut out before the best bit DAMMIT

basically right after the crouton comment

she’s like oH YOU THINK YOU’RE HARD FOR UNDERCUTTING

AND THEN

she just mutters real quiet

“i’ve had bread harder than your dick” 

 

**Remus Lupin**

LOL  
  
Showed Jem the vid and he said

“I love her, but I am also frightened of her” 

 

**Dorcas Meadowes**

My fave bit is where she just splutters

And then goes “YOU PUBLIC MENACE”

 

**Sirius Black**

evans is such a fuckin champion

i wanna be her when i grow up

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

somehow mary has slept through all of this? 

 

**Remus Lupin**

Tbf Pete is also fast asleep

But the actual arrival of the apocalypse wouldn’t wake that boy

 

**Sirius Black**

he’s missing all the pre-grad trip banter

speaking of

 

**Sirius Black** changed the group name to **EspanYOLO**

 

**Remus Lupin**

Sometimes I have these conflicting feelings

Where I love you

But I also hate you? 

 

**Sirius Black**

… thank you? 


	2. AestheDICK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang arrive at the airport, and Marlene accidentally lets slip a secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This happened to a pal of mine, and I found it truly hilarious.

**EspanYOLO**

 

**Lily Evans**

Ok we’re parked

We’re going to head to departures and wait for you guys there

 

**Remus Lupin**

Expect we’re about 5 mins away, so see you there

We’re behind some old woman who is approx. 589 years old

 

**Sirius Black**

at this rate we’re gonna be 589 by the time we arrive

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

PLOT TWIST

soft crouton is also parking his car

can you imagine the lols if he was also going to spain

 

**Dorcas Meadowes**

Lily is actually hiding behind the car until he leaves

 

**Lily Evans**

I don’t want him to see me! 

And call me out for my wheat-based insults ! 

 

**Remus Lupin**

It’s times like these when I realise you and James are so well-suited

You talk the big game

He acts on it

 

**Lily Evans**

Pfft, like you and Sirius are any different

 

**Sirius Black**

i would 100% fight someone for rem

 

**Dorcas Meadowes**

Please, you’d fight someone for any of us

 

**Sirius Black**

youre not wrong

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

it’s one of the many reasons we love you

 

**Remus Lupin**

Stop it, his ego’s big enough already

 

**Sirius Black**

not the only thing that’s big eh ;) ;) ;)

 

**Lily Evans**

GROSS

 

**James Potter**

we’ve arrived and that’s the first message i see

with my own actual goddamn eyes

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

i mean

he’s not wrong

 

**Dorcas Meadowes**

…

 

**Remus Lupin**

…

How would you know?

 

**Sirius Black**

oh ffs marls

i thought we agreed not to talk about this

 

**Lily Evans**

?!?!?!

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

IT’S NOTHING NEFARIOUS

sirius once got his messages confused

and might have sent me a photo that was VERY MUCH intended for remus j lupin

 

** Lily Evans **

WHAT

 

**Dorcas Meadowes**

L

O

L

 

**James Potter**

hahahaha HA

 

**Sirius Black**

it was an accident ! 

 

**James Potter**

we are slowly making our way to departures

but

rem is actually bent over wheezing with laughter

i have never seen him laugh so hard 

 

**Lily Evans**

Clearly not the only thing that was hard

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

LILY EVANS DID YOU JUST MAKE A DICK JOKE

 

**James Potter**

@Lily this is literally why i love you so much 

 

**Sirius Black**

i hate you all. 

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

@Sirius tbf babe, it’s better i got it

i’m aggressively gay

i could just appreciate it aesthetically 

 

**Sirius Black**

actually doesn’t help 

but thank you? 

 

**Mary Macdonald**

wait

if you thought it was aesthetic

does that mean 

sirius is

 

**Mary Macdonald** changed **Sirius Black** ’s name to **aestheDICK**

 

**James Potter**

HA

i stan mary in this group chat so much 

remus is full on cry laughing now

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

^ mood. 


	3. Ancient Greek lesbians

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sappho, a bomb dog, and ten (10) hash browns.

**Marlene McKinnon**

oi is sirius actually sad

 

**Remus Lupin**

Nah, he’ll be alright 

He’s just embarrassed 

Let him sulk for a bit

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

i do want to clarify 

that i did not do anything sexy with your boyfriend

just so u know

 

**Remus Lupin**

Lol, noted, don’t worry

Sirius isn’t subtle enough to cheat on anyone

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

should we ask him if he wants some breakfast

cus i’m fuckin starving

 

**Remus Lupin**

Yeah I’ll ask him

He’s not eaten yet today and he woke up an hour earlier than necessary

Which probably explains his foul mood

 

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

why is your boyfriend an aCTUAL toddler

* * *

**Remouse**

My lil honey badger

We want to get some breakfast

Are you going to come join us? 

 

**Serious**

everyone is gonna tease me

bout accidentally sending a pic of my junk to marls

 

**Remouse**

They won’t! 

And even if they do, it’s pretty funny

And I’m not mad at you, if that’s what you’re worried about

 

**Serious**

i want hash browns 

 

**Remouse**

Good thing we’re going to get breakfast then

If you’ll stop sitting like 20 metres away

And come with us

 

**Serious**

and a nap

 

**Remouse**

Good thing too that I packed your travel pillow

Come on

 

**Serious**

oh alright

* * *

**EspanYOLO**

 

 

**Lily Evans**

Why is it you can never find seats together in an airport

Always got to split the group up

 

**aestheDICK**

dreadful spatial planning 

and the ever-increasing size of the travelling population

that grows quicker than the airport can be renovated

 

**Lily Evans**

…

I was not actually asking for a serious answer

Nor was I expecting one

But that’s actually very interesting

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

@Remus who is this and what have you done with sirius

 

**Dorcas Meadowes**

I too am stunned

 

**aestheDICK**

cretins. 

 

**Remus Lupin**

Good Christ if the kid next to us plays Baby Shark one more time

I shall go on a full rampage 

 

**aestheDICK**

can u not

ur lap is very comfy for my head

 

**James Potter**

Baaaaaaaby SHARK 

 

**Lily Evans**

DOO DOO DO DOO DO DOO

 

**Mary Macdonald**

you know there’s a whole spotify playlist just of baby shark remixes

 

**Remus Lupin**

Oh he could play a remix! He could play anything else! 

But no!

Baby Shark! 

Again! 

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

can u chill out with those exclamation marks

it’s too early and i feel nauseous

 

**Dorcas Meadowes**

That’s because you ate ten hash browns at breakfast 

And had 2 pints 

And it’s not yet 8am

Also do you have to keep groaning like that? 

It sounds uncannily sexual and the guy next to you looks like he wants to die

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

what is this, attack marlene day

i have indigestion

 

**aestheDICK**

is anyone else bORED

 

**Remus Lupin**

We’ve literally been sat down for 15 minutes 

 

**Mary Macdonald**

well peter is once again asleep

and lily/james are uncomfortably cosy

the man next to me keeps asking me what i’m reading

and doesn’t seem to believe me when i say a romance

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

well what are you reading

cus you haven’t read fiction since like 2012

 

**Mary Macdonald**

it’s about the classic poet sappho

and the history of how she became a lesbian icon

but something tells me the scrotal man sitting next to me isn’t gonna dig that

 

**aestheDICK**

want me to come over and explain The Gays to him? 

 

**Mary Macdonald**

don’t tempt me

 

**aestheDICK**

omfg

did you guys just see that bomb dog

HOW EXCELLENT

WHAT A GOOD BOY

OR GIRL

GIRL DOGS CAN HAVE JOBS TOO

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

IT JUST WENT PAST US

absolutely superb

wonder what it’s doing today

in its lil vest

 

**aesthetDICK**

saving us from terrorists like the marvellous doggo it is

wish i was a doggo with a job

 

**Dorcas Meadowes**

… did anyone else just hear Mary screech something 

 

**Remus Lupin**

I believe it was “it’s a book about Ancient Greek lesbians, if you must know” 

 

**aestheDICK**

mary is the most underrated of this group

and we must protect her at all costs


	4. We Are Not Good Travellers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team board the plane, and Lily has an amusing companion next to her.

**EspanYOLO**

 

**Dorcas Meadowes**

WHY do airlines fuck up all the damn time?

Remus and I spent forever sorting out seats all together

We get on the plane

BOOM

CAN’T SIT IN THOSE SEATS YOU PAID TO RESERVE

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

… i have seen so much unexpected rage today

from so many people

lils about Soft Crouton 

sirius about The Dick Pic

mary about ancient greek lesbians

now dorko about seating

we are not good travellers

 

**Dorcas Meadowes**

It’s all going fucking swimmingly

 

**Mary Macdonald**

where did you guys end up being seated? 

dorko peter and i are right up front

 

**Peter Pettigrew**

i got the window seat <3 

 

**Dorcas Meadowes**

That’s only because you will fall asleep

And we didn’t want to climb over you to go to the loo

 

**James Potter**

lol @Peter burn

**aestheDICK**

marls rem and i are around the middle

few rows ahead of prongs and evans 

 

**Lily Evans**

I’m super hoping that no one is on our row

So I can move into the aisle seat

I hate the middle seat

 

**Dorcas Meadowes**

Get James to move so you can sit by the window? 

 

**aestheDICK**

can’t do that

jem gets plane-sick doesn’t he

has to be by the window

 

**Remus Lupin**

Falls asleep as soon as you take off, mind you

But can’t sleep anywhere other than by the window

 

**Mary Macdonald**

@James has anyone ever told you you’re spoilt

 

**James Potter**

frequently, but the plane sickness is actually genuine

if i’m not by the window i spew

 

**aestheDICK**

we went to france with the parents last summer

no window seat

and jem was sick on monty’s shoes

monty looked him dead in the eye

and goes 

‘its lucky im your dad and i love you’

 

**James Potter**

i’ve never felt more threatened than by my own father in that moment

 

**Remus Lupin**

Look out, Lils, it looks like you do have a seat companion

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

omfg

the guy who just walked past us? 

 

**Remus Lupin**

Yeah why?

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

@Dorcas

@Mary

lily

is sitting next to

sOFT cROUTON

 

**Dorcas Meadowes**

Did Satan actually engineer this day? 

Are we sleeping and is this a nightmare? 

I cannot. 

 

**aestheDICK**

wow this day has gone from bad to worse 

and i for one am fearful of what happens when we reach spain

* * *

**Lily Evans**

Now we’ve landed

I can tell you

I HATE EVERYTHING

I spent the whole flight AWKWARDLY TALKING TO SOFT CROUTON

Because James was asleep

 

**James Potter**

i. get. plane. sick. 

i. have. to. sleep. 

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

LOL LOL LOL 

did he recognise you 

 

**Lily Evans**

Fortunately not

 

**Dorcas Meadowes**

I cannot WAIT to get to the Airbnb

I have stress heartburn from this whole experience

 

**Lily Evans**

YOU have stress heartburn?!

Were YOU sitting next to soft crouton?!

 

**Mary Macdonald**

no but we did have to sit next to peter

and god he snores

 

**aestheDICK**

hes still asleep isn’t he

 

**Dorcas Meadowes**

Yes

 

**Remus Lupin**

Told you, can sleep through the apocalypse. 

Poke him in the ribs, it’ll wake him up

 

**James Potter**

look sharp

they’re opening the doors

 

**Mary Macdonald**

omg dorko is in a fOUL mood

she just poked peter 

and yelled “get up u rat” in his ear

 

**Dorcas Meadowes**

In my defence

He is now awake

* * *

**Lily Evans**

Can’t actually believe they’ve let Sirius Black hire a car

 

**aestheDICK**

RUDE.

 

**Remus Lupin**

Don’t jinx it, we’re still in the queue at the hire place

Have you guys got the bags?

** James Potter **

yeah we're just chilling in arrivals

by the lil shop 

 

**aestheDICK**

im so hyped to drive this big beast of a car

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

i, for one, am terrified 

but i’m glad someone’s excited 

 

** Lily Evans **

And you definitely booked one with enough seats, yes? 

 

**James Potter**

well good luck if he hasn’t

we’ll be putting Pete in the roof box 

 

**Peter Pettigrew**

:(

 

**James Potter**

no offence mate

it’s just you’re the shortest

 

**Peter Pettigrew**

:((((

isn’t lily shorter than me

 

**James Potter**

yeah but lily also scares me too much to even suggest that

 

**Lily Evans**

Damn straight 

 

**Remus Lupin**

Obviously Sirius is speaking to them in French

We are in Spain

The hire company is English

Will he let the guy get a word in edgeways? 

Obviously not. 

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

FFS

 

**aestheDICK**

my fRIENDS

our chariot awaits

i have the keys

and for that comment, remus

you can be the map reader

 

**Remus Lupin**

YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ANYONE READING THE MAP

WHAT IS THE POINT

 

 **aestheDICK** changed  **Remus Lupin's** name to  **map reader**

 

**James Potter**

well, onwards champions 


	5. Doing the Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang arrive at the Airbnb, Dorcas is driven to drink, and Lily finds out about James' unorthodox taste in music

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and sweet, and dedicated to all the loons in WDS who insisted these things feature. Happy reading, pals.

 

**EspanYOLO**

 

**Dorcas Meadowes**

Where did you all run off to?!  
  
I thought we were going to read the welcome pack

That the Airbnb people left us! 

 

**aestheDICK**

dorkosaurus rex

LIVE A LITTLE

also like i’m going to hang about instead of claiming the best room?

 

**Lily Evans**

Sirius the two double rooms are identical 

You and Remus, me and James

Peter's got the single next door 

 

** Peter Pettigrew  **

:(

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

oi dorko come upstairs and see the room

u me and Mary are on the top floor

our room is MASSIVE

double beds all round

 

**Dorcas Meadowes**

What is that thumping noise

 

**Peter Pettigrew**

sirius and rem are bouncing on their bed

 

**Dorcas Meadowes**

I can already tell 

I will need to be attached to something wet and alcoholic

At all times on this trip

 

**Mary Macdonald**

waaaaay ahead of you pal

im already exploring the bar in the sunroom

 

**Dorcas Meadowes**

Mary Macdonald I bloody love you 

 

 

 

* * *

**Lily Evans**

Why did none of y’all tell me James listens to classical music before bed

He’s just like

Bopping around

To some cello

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

…

how the hell would i know what potter does before bed

 

**map reader**

Lily, you’ve been dating for like 6 months? 

How do you not know this? 

 

**Dorcas Meadowes**

Remus Lupin asking the important questions here

 

**Lily Evans**

Well we’ve not spent like a whole week together before

Usually it’s just one night at a time

And we’re ~doing the do

So like, not a lot of time for a bop to some Bach, ya know? 

 

**aestheDICK**

first off ew

secondly jem loves that classical music doesn’t he

played the flute at school

 

**Lily Evans**

i’M SORRY

James

MY James

Played the flute?! 

 

**aestheDICK**

*MY james 

not yours

clearly youre boning so much you haven’t discussed it

but yes

he played the flute

 

**Lily Evans**

“boning so much you haven’t discussed it” 

alright sassy

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

i cannot cope

james played the flute

also how much sex are you having jesus

 

**aestheDICK**

i thought jesus was having no sex

wasn’t that the whole point

 

**Dorcas Meadowes**

Marlene is actually crying with laughter

Mary looks perplexed

 

**Mary Macdonald**

i’m still really wrapping my head round the pre-bed cello

 

**map reader**

It’s classical music before bed, usually with some air cello 

Usually some kind of 80s anthem for the shower

 

**aestheDICK**

loves a bit of taylor swift before a rugby match

 

**map reader**

Oh yeah, forgot that

Likes smooth jazz when he’s hungover

 

**Mary Macdonald**

why are you all treating this like it’s normal

 

**Marlene McKinnon** changed **James Potter’s** name to **floot floot**

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

also wtf @Lily your bf is a sociopath

who wants smooth jazz when hungover

 

**aestheDICK**

who wants smooth jazz full stop 

 

**floot floot**

i s2g

i step away from this group chat for five minutes 

to just have a moment with some music

and it is aTTACKS ON EVERY SIDE

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

should have thought about that before you decided to play the fLUTE


	6. I AM Excellent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and James find the perfect spot for the gang's night out.

**Marlene McKinnon**

boo 

why is sirius walking round the villa

whispering

“i AM excellent” 

 

**Remus Lupin**

HA

He sadly got rejected from a job this morning

I told him he is still excellent

Clearly he’s taken it to heart

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

bless him 

 

**Remus Lupin**

He’s going to the supermarket with Jem in 5

They’re going to get chocolate milk

That’ll cheer him up

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

ok so I *know* I ask this a lot

but are you aware your boyfriend is a toddler? 

 

* * *

**Lils**

Honey 

Where the hell are you

 

**Jim**

bb

i am at the supermarket with sirius

he got a job rejection this morn

we’re going to buy chocolate milk

 

**Lils**

Ohhh poor lamb

But seeing as you’re there

Be a doll and pick up some of that sangria mix for tonight?

 

**Jim**

it’s 11am

 

**Lils**

Pls?

 

**Jim**

oh that wasn’t judgement

i’m just curious why we want it for tonight

and not also for to-now

 

**Lils**

To-now is not a word, James

But I like the way you think 

 

 

* * *

**EspanYOLO**

 

**aestheDICK**

friends

romans

countrymen

lend me your ears

 

**Mary Macdonald**

lOVE a classics reference at 11am

also what do you want

 

**aestheDICK**

i’m super conflicted as to how to reply to that

a lot of love

but also a lot of hate in that message

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

sirius. 

 

**Dorcas Meadowes**

Honestly it’s 11am 

And I already want a drink as a result of this conversation

 

**aestheDICK**

you are all incredibly rude

anyway

Jem and I are at the supermarket

and we have found the place for us to be tonight

 

**map reader**

Oh God no

I thought we had decided to have a quiet first day?

 

**floot floot**

yeah but then we found this bar 

*1 image attachment*

 

**Mary Macdonald**

…

is that bar

called ‘otto’s shrunken head’

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

in that case, I’m entirely sold

 

**floot floot**

YAS MARLENE

 

**Lily Evans**

Marls

Has anyone ever told you you’re fickle?

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

alright mum 

 

**aestheDICK** changed **Lily Evans’** name to **alright mum**

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

yES SIRIUS

 

**alright mum**

WHY AM I ALWAYS ALRIGHT MUM 

 

**aestheDICK**

why don’t you come on a fun night out

and get a fun nickname instead then

 

**map reader**

She could just change it

 

**floot floot**

you know the rules of the chat, rem

you can run and you can hide

but you can’t change your own name in the group chat

 

**map reader**

For some reason 

Despite the fact that I know this is a stupid rule

Obviously I abide by it? 

 

**alright mum**

God we’re such broken, broken people

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

alright mum

* * *

**Dorcas Meadowes**

WHO IS PLAYING HALSEY SO LOUDLY

I WAS NAPPING

 

**aestheDICK**

dorko

enough of the siesta

it is time to fIESTA

 

**floot floot**

we’ve got the bbq up and running

sirius is making cocktails

 

**Mary Macdonald**

FFS NO

HIS COCKTAILS ARE SHIT

 

**alright mum**

FML they’re so shit

 

**aestheDICK**

it is honestly an absolute wonder

that I do not Yeet myself off the balcony

considering how rude you all are to me

 

**Mary Macdonald**

you’ll live

 

**map reader**

In Sirius’ defence

The cocktails are not that bad this time

 

**alright mum**

Remus how can we trust you

When your cocktails are also fucking disgusting

 

**floot floot**

lmao burn

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

you know I hate giving sirius compliments

but I agree

they’re actually alright this time

 

**aestheDICK**

always knew I could count on you McKinnon

 

**Mary Macdonald**

aye and how many have you had already marls?

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

4? 5? 

idk

i don’t remember these things

 

**Dorcas Meadowes**

…

Good.

What was that crash?

 

**floot floot**

sirius is once again flamenco dancing

 

**aestheDICK**

FIESTA BABY


	7. A Shit Tonne of Tequila

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang go out, and then have to piece together the events the next day.
> 
> Ed Sheeran bashing for all members of the WDS.

 

**EspanYOLO**

 

**Dorcas Meadowes**

Where the hell is everyone?! 

Marls and I are at the front

 

**map reader**

Nmx bvfed 

 

**alright mum**

Pardon

 

**Mary Macdonald**

remus has been on the tequila hasn’t he

also lils/peter and i are on the terrace

james is in the bathroom

 

**aestheDICK**

rem nd I r. by the bar

 

**Mary Macdonald**

and from that we can deduce Sirius has been on the rose

 

**floot floot**

yall should get in here

moony’s just bought a SHIT TONNE of tequila

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

omw so hard

 

* * *

**aestheDICK**

guys

i might die

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

GOD SAME

 

**alright mum**

I thought we’d all decided we weren’t using capitals when hungover

 

**floot floot**

agreed 

 

**Mary Macdonald**

honestly something died in my mouth

SOS

i’ll never be hydrated again 

 

**map reader**

I remember precisely nothing from last night

 

**floot floot**

eyyyyyyyy

 

**Dorcas Meadowes**

HA

Oh Remus

 

**map reader**

…

Oh Christ what did I do? 

 

**Mary Macdonald**

what didn’t you do

 

**map reader**

FML. 

 

**floot floot**

you got on the bar

and yelled to everyone 

that sirius was the most beautiful person ever

 

**aestheDICK**

i’ll take it

 

**map reader**

Ok, it’s bad, but it could be worse

 

**Marleen McKinnon**

oh bb that’s only the beginning 

you also told sirius you wanted to have his babies

 

**aestheDICK**

biologically impossible

but once again

i’ll take it

 

**map reader**

Lord ALIVE

I remember nothing! 

 

**floot floot**

that’s because you literally bought tequila

all. night.

not just for yourself 

for all of us

peter vomited on some girl

 

**Peter Pettigrew**

:(

 

**map reader**

I dread to think of the state of my bank account

 

**aestheDICK**

idk why you’re worried

you confiscated my card at the beginning of the night

and then proceeded to use it all night anyway

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

LOL

 

**map reader**

…

I’m such a dick. 

**aestheDICK**

i quite enjoyed being your sugar daddy

gotta say ;)

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

ew still a group chat

 

**map reader**

I’m too hungover to flirt rn, Sirius

I need some time to feel this shame

Is that everything? 

 

**Dorcas Meadowes**

You took off your shirt on the dance floor

 

** floot floot  **

and you ordered a fishbowl of cocktails

then proceeded to soak your hands in it

and then cry on sirius because your hands were wet

 

**aestheDICK**

it was Not Hot

 

**alright mum**

You also cried over a cat

 

**map reader**

I’d like to die. 

I’d actually just like to be fired into the sun. 

 

**Marlene McKinnon**

does that mean 

 

**Marlene McKinnon** changed **map reader’s** name to **pussy(cat) lover**

 

**aestheDICK**

HA

YES MARLENE

 

**pussy(cat) lover**

GUYS I’M STILL GAY

 

**Dorcas Meadowes**

I s2g if you guys don’t start obeying the no capitals rule

 

**aestheDICK** changed **Dorcas Meadowes’** name to **CAPTAIN CAPITALS**

 

**CAPTAIN CAPITALS**

Fuck you. 

 

* * *

**aestheDICK**

ok i’m not usually this person

but which of you is playing ed sheeran

and why haven’t we yeeted you into the sea yet

 

**alright mum**

Three guesses

 

**pussy(cat) lover**

1: he’s wearing James’ clothes

2: he’s sitting in James’ chair

3: his name is James Fleamont Potter

 

**alright mum**

Correct, correct and correct

 

**aestheDICK**

jEM

sTOP IT

 

**floot floot**

!!

i am hungover and fragile!!

 

**CAPTAIN CAPITALS**

Not too fragile to play this song ON REPEAT tho

**aestheDICK**

james

this is criminally boring

what is this song

it’s a bad rip off of eric Clapton’s wonderful tonight

and i won’t stand for it

 

**floot floot**

look

i am very fragile rn

i just need ed’s mediocre vocals to tell me I’m perfect

 

**CAPTAIN CAPITALS**

??

You do know he’s not singing to you, right? 

 

**floot floot**

a minor technicality 

 

**alright mum**

Are we going out for dinner 

Or ordering in

Aka am I going to get to escape from this hellhole 

 

**aestheDICK**

bold of you to assume he’ll turn it off even if we go out

 

**floot floot**

why does nO ONE appreciate me

 

**alright mum**

I love you, I don’t have to appreciate you as well

 

**floot floot**

…

that’s a fair point

 

**Mary Macdonald**

this holiday has already been such an insight

into relationships

and it’s only day 2

frankly, im thrilled

 

**CAPTAIN CAPITALS**

I’m glad someone is.

 

**aestheDICK**

changelings, both of you. 

 

**Mary Macdonald**

what is that repellant groaning

 

**aestheDICK**

moonbeam just tried to stand up

it didn’t go well

he’s now lying on the tiles 

whispering “i’m too soft for this world”

 

**pussy(cat) lover**

I aM too soft for this world

I am so fragile

 

**Mary Macdonald**

@Dorcas why are we friends with any of them? 

 

**Peter Pettigrew**

:( 


	8. Picasso Pettigrew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang go to a museum, and Wolfstar have a cute little moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am back? From the dead?

  
**EspanYOLO**

**aestheDICK**  
GOOD MORNING CHAMPIONS  
how are we all on this fine day

**floot floot**  
how are you so chipper  
it's so early?

**pussy(cat) lover**  
Oh, you think this is early?   
It's 8:30.  
He's been up since 6.

**aestheDICK**  
i've been reading quietly!!

**pussy(cat) lover**  
"Quietly" my arse  
You huff SO loudly when you read  
And you mutter things at the characters  
Nothing like being woken up to you muttering  
"tHaT wAsN't SeNsIbLe HaMLeT"

**alright mum**  
Who tf reads Hamlet at 6am?!

**aestheDICK**  
you uncultured swines  
and for what it's worth  
hamlet wasn't being sensible  
he'd just killed polonius

**CAPTAIN CAPITALS**  
Good morning, hellbeasts  
I hope we're all ready for Sirius to nearly kill us in the car again

**Marlene McKinnon**  
i love how positive you are in the mornings dorko  
really brightens my day

**alright mum**  
What is the plan for today, Dorcas?

**CAPTAIN CAPITALS**  
I have booked tickets for the seven of us to go to the Picasso museum

**Mary Macdonald**   
7? don't you mean 8?

**aestheDICK**  
nah, pete's gonna sit in the cafe outside

**Mary Macdonald**  
??

**floot floot**  
pete's scared of picasso

**Mary Macdonald**  
i hate to repeat myself  
but   
??

**Peter Pettigrew**  
it's the eyes

**floot floot**  
surely the point of Picasso is like, what eyes?

**aestheDICK**  
"what eyes"  
great summary of cubism there, prongs  
love that

**floot floot**   
ok, not all of us did an art history degree  
sassy pants

**aestheDICK**  
sassy pants  
it me

**Marlene McKinnon**  
sorry but can we get back to the fact peter's scared?? of picasso??

**Peter Pettigrew**  
:(

**floot floot**  
sirius used to have a print of picasso on his door  
used to scare pete shitless in the night  
had to take it down

**aestheDICK**  
les demoiselles d'avignon   
it's v beautiful

**Peter Pettigrew**  
if by beautiful you mean terrifying

**pussy(cat) lover**  
I mean, I see Pete's point  
The eyes are a little disconcerting

**aestheDICK**  
you're all neanderthals

**floot floot**  
can't believe I've not thought of this before

**floot floot** changed **Peter Pettigrew's** name to **picasso pettigrew**

**picasso pettigrew**  
:(

 

* * *

 

**Remouse**  
Where'd you get to?   
I think the girls and Prongs have gone to the gift shop

**Serious**  
i'm back upstairs by the big painting   
called guernica

**Remouse**  
I thought you'd finished

**Serious**  
i had  
i don't need long  
gimme a minute

**Remouse**  
I'll come join you

**Serious**  
no it's ok!!!  
don't!

**Remouse**  
?  
Sirius, what's up?

**Serious**  
i just  
this painting reminds me of home  
my parents' house, i mean

**Remouse**  
Ok  
Would you like me to come up to you?  
Or would you like to talk over text?

**Serious**  
over text  
if that's ok?

**Remouse**  
Of course it's ok

**Serious**  
i learnt all about this painting when i did that 'art of war' module  
you know, in third year?  
it's essentially all about the impact of war  
like, the chaos and the destruction for ordinary people  
but every time i look at it  
it reminds me of grimmauld place

**Remouse**  
Oh Sirius

**Serious**  
and that's not like, a good or a bad thing?   
it's just... idk it's just a thing  
like i look at it and it's all greys and black and it's just how it was  
i think i just want to stand here and look at it a little while  
not cus i'm enjoying it  
but i think i need to feel the feeling of walking away again  
i'm not making any sense

**Remouse**  
You don't have to make sense.   
Are you sure you don't want me to be with you?

**Serious**  
do you mind?  
go to the gift shop if you want!

**Remouse**  
I came upstairs as soon as you said it reminded you  
I'll come over and you can tell me about it x


End file.
